Blog Post 3

After my very first chat cafe meeting, I was ecstatic. Four of my member had shown up (far more than I had intended) and conversation flowed. There were no awkward pauses, no confusion amongst us, just a normal conversation that takes place on campus every day. After that session, I couldn't wait to see them again next week. Probably for two reasons: I enjoyed their company and (even though we're told not to lead discussion) I felt like I was the head of the group, the organizer, the one everyone would look to when it came to explaining the odd and perverse entity that is American culture. This was certainly not something that I was actively cultivating (working at Sweetland taught me the importance of not establishing hierarchies) but I couldn't help myself from the experience getting to my head, from me feeling as though I was the tether which bound the group together.

Now, my fourth session tomorrow, I honestly can't say that I'm nearly as ecstatic as I was that first week. The past two weeks only two members have shown up with none of the other absent members sending  correspondence of any kind. Don't get me wrong, the two that show up are fully engaged and interested in coming. We have great discussions and I learned a lot of Chinese culture and hopefully gotten them to feel more comfortable and confident in their oral English skills. Now, focusing back on the absent members. I can understand that the Chat Cafe sessions don't rest high on the list of weekly priorities for this students and it shouldn't be. There is certainly no mandate for them to come and I hope that none of the members in any Chat Cafe group feel as though they are forcefully obligated to go to each session. I understand if something comes up, if there's a paper due, if there's a midterm, if you're just not feeling up for it. I understand all these things, but I can't help from feeling personally assailed by their absence. Did I scare off those first two members that first session? Was I unable to make them feel comfortable? These sorts of questions run through my mind often. I have yet to reach a cathartic revelation on these observations. Hopefully, I will soon.